I look like a Marine!

I've had a very good week--gaining strength and stamina and the eating is getting easier. The hair began falling out on Wednesday and my scalp became very tender. I tried styling my hair today after showering, but I couldn't do anything with it and the blow dryer kept blowing hair all over my bathroom. Everywhere I went I was shedding hair--yuck! My friend, Margaret, came to help me by mopping the bathroom floors and vacuuming and I couldn't stand the thought of having my floors all cleaned just to have to turn around tomorrow and have hair all over them again. So, when she was done working, we headed to town to the wig place to have Melanie shave the rest of it off. I cried a little bit while it was being shaved, but it's over and done. My head is all stubbly now and I look like a Marine, but at least I'll be able to eat without finding hair in my food. All the boys in my family tell me the wig looks great--but what else are they going to say at this point? I am wondering what it's going to be like when it all comes growing back in. Unfortunately, I think there will be alot of gray, but I'm hoping that at least it will come back in thick and curly instead of thin and straight. The chemo has done plenty of other things to my body--I think it ought to be able to at least do that for me too!
Heavenly Father has been more than merciful with me this week--I have felt pretty good and have been kept busy with good things all week long. My Dad is on the mend, and if all goes well, he will continue healing and Mom will be back with us when I have my next chemo treatment on Monday. I go to bed each night exhausted and thankful for the day and the many blessings I have been given--I have more than I deserve.--Love always, Kim

Gaining Strength

The last 5 days have been really good for me. The eating is coming along more easily now, and although I'm not often very hungry, food is actually starting to taste good to me when I eat. I've been moving around alot more and doing a few light household chores and it has felt wonderful! What used to feel like drudgery now makes me feel so good. I will try very hard to never complain about cleaning my house--I feel so grateful to be able to do a little bit of it! My cousin, Karen, came yesterday to help with laundry and then she took me downtown to go to Deseret Book, Debra Lyn's and then lunch at Rainbow Gardens. We were gone about 2 hours all in all, and I was so worn out that I actually slept for an entire 5 hour stretch last night before waking up--yahoo! Usually I can only sleep in 2-3 hours stretches before waking up--it felt so good!
Today, Heidi came and got me to go to the Ogden Temple--I haven't been for 6 weeks and I've missed it so much. I really needed to be there this week before starting another round of chemo. There is great peace and power that comes home with me after I've attended the temple, and I am so thankful that they are not going to start remodeling until after I've finished my chemo treatments--another "tender mercy" for me. On the way home, we stopped off at the Valley Market to get a few items and I so enjoyed seeing Terry, Gary and Teresa there. I've missed those folks there and so appreciate all the help they've given our family these last few weeks--what an asset they are to our little valley! I am feeling so grateful for the blessing of health and strength this week and the opportunity to do many of the "little" daily things that we so often take for granted. I'm especially grateful for the blessing of being able to see a few more of my dear friends. I want to give a big hug & kiss to every person I see, but am trying to be careful with my weakened immune system. It's important to me to stay on schedule with my chemo treatments, and I don't want to be catching any "bugs" that might be lurking around so please accept my "air hugs" and know that I can't wait until this is all over so I can give some real ones! The hair is still there, but I wake up every morning wondering if I have any left on my head--it is starting to thin a bit--we'll see what the rest of the week brings.
My Dad ended up in the hospital yesterday with pneumonia, but the Dr.'s were able to get right on it and he is expected to be able to return home this evening. We are so thankful for the miracles of medicine. There is so much talk about the healthcare problems in this country, but we have been the recipients of such good care and feel so grateful that we live in the United States.
I am feeling so blessed and hopeful this week--it's much easier to feel that way when the body is cooperating and I am feeling physically well. I keep reminding myself that I'm just at the beginning of this, and I know there are still difficult days to come--I pray that I will be able to hold on to these good feelings and memories when things get tough again. I ran across a quote in my reading that I love: "We do not experience trials just to see if we will make it through. Each of us experiences the refiner's fire for one reason--to come to know the Refiner." (Emily Freeman) I'm so grateful for my Savior's love and know that He has been with me through all of this. I hope that I won't waste any of this opportunity to come to truly know Him. Every day in our prayers we thank our Heavenly Father for the love and support you are all giving us--we feel it and it is helping to sustain us. Love always, Kim

Weekend Update

Just a quick update--It's Friday evening and all is well. My mom went home on Wednesday morning, for what was supposed to be a week's break--it lasted for less than 24 hours. I woke up yesterday morning at 2 am with a fever, chills and body aches. I was so miserable that I called her at 8:30am bawling for her to come back. Seems I just happened to pick up some "bug" floating around, and fortunately, it seems to be the 24-hour kind. I'd just started taking a pretty strong antibiotic for something else on Wednesday, so that was just getting into my system and I've been doing well all day today. Mom went back home yesterday and took Braedon & Hunter to my sister's last night for a sleepover, so it's been fairly quiet around here today. Today I've felt halfway normal. I even washed a few (maybe 8!) dishes and actually walked out to my mailbox today and back--Wow! Now I'm really moving! The progress has seemed very slow to me--it's felt like 2 steps forward and 1 back--but today I've actually felt that I've made some progress. I'm looking forward to having one more week before my next chemo to gain more strength and get up and about a bit more. I ran across a quote in a book Wednesday that I've been pondering on. As members of the LDS Church, most of us are familiar with the saying, "Where much is given, much is required." But the quote I found says, "Where much is required, much is given." This has certainly resonated with me, as I've had a few "pity" parties the last month, and I've been unhappy with what has been "required" of me. But I cannot deny that though much has been required, much has been given to me and my family. Our Heavenly Father & Savior have certainly blessed our lives--especially these last few weeks. I ask myself frequently if I am learning what I'm supposed to be learning from this whole experience. I certainly hope that I will be more sensitive to the needs of others in the future. I think unless you've been in a similar situation, you cannot understand how each and every small thought and gesture of kindness, along with prayer, helps lift the spirits of those that are suffering. I love you all and so appreciate your prayers and compassion.--Love always, Kim

Turning the Corner

Thank you so much for your prayers. I've spent the afternoon pondering again the hand of the Lord in my life. When things aren't going very well, it's difficult to see His blessings, but as prayers are answered and I begin to see progress and feel hope again, His hand is so evident that I wonder how I could ever have missed it!
I'm thinking I may have turned a corner this week--I've had two pretty good days in a row. The nausea has begun to wane and it's getting a little easier to eat--not easy yet, just easier. Today was the first time I've weighed myself that I didn't lose any weight overnight--hooray! For the first time in over 30 years, I'm trying to gain weight instead of lose it. Over the years, I've run into people who struggle to maintain weight or gain it, and I've thought to myself, "Oh, boo hoo--that's a problem I'd like to have for two weeks!" Now I have a greater appreciation for how difficult it is for them. Thank you again for your specific prayers on my behalf--I feel them being answered each day.
Today I actually put 'real' clothes on and went somewhere in the car--and it wasn't the Dr.'s office or hospital! Mom and I went downtown for about 2 1/2 hours to run a couple of errands and find me a wig. There's a little place called Robert's Wigs and the owner, Melanie, was just the best! Of course, I ended up getting the first wig she tried on me--I think she's got pretty good instincts. I put it on when Braedon and Hunter got home, and Braedon thought I'd got a haircut and dyed my hair--until he realized that the wig was actually longer than the hair I presently have! Anyway, it's kind of cute and I guess I may be needing it in about a week.
I love you all, and so appreciate the many cards, messages and acts of Christlike service--we have certainly been given much more than we have ever given. Love always, Kim

Prayers Answered

I am so grateful for the many prayers offered on my behalf this week--especially those asking for the chemo to work quickly on the fluids in my lungs so that I might not have to go back on oxygen. I know that our Father in Heaven is merciful, kind and quick to answer the prayers of the faithful. I feel as if I have been part of a miracle this week, as I have not had oxygen since I left the hospital on Monday. The rest of the chemo side effects are difficult to describe. It's not been horrifically awful, but this week has also not been easy, and if I had been unable to breathe everything would have been so much more difficult. Thank you for your faith and prayers on my behalf. Mom says she sees me getting a little stronger each day. It's hard for me to see that yet--I still feel that each day is a little bit of a roller coaster. I took a ride with Mom over to the Valley Market yesterday and had a couple of friends come out to the car to say "hello". It was wonderful to be out and see my friends. I can hardly wait until I'm able to get out and about more--hopefully, next week! Once we got home, though, I was so tired and nauseated and a little frustrated with my progress--I spent most of the rest of the day in bed. Each day seems to bring new challenges and blessings. I am so grateful for the blessings, and need to remember that they are coming because of the challenges--I know there must be "opposition in all things". I am so grateful for the Atonement of my Savior, and His kindness in blessing me through each of you--your thoughts, prayers, messages and acts of Christlike service. At the risk of being greedy, as you pray, would you specifically ask Heavenly Father to bless me that my appetite may return and that I would be able to eat more easily? This has been one of the most bizarre side effects of my surgery and chemo. Those of you who know me well, know how much I love to eat and this is becoming a very large challenge. I have lost 18 lbs. since I left the hospital (a large part of this has been fluid retention), but I cannot afford to lose any more weight if I am going to continue with chemo over the next 4 1/2 months. I love you and am grateful for the blessings being bestowed on me and my family.--Kim

Each Day a Little Stronger

In talking with Kim this morning - she is so grateful for each of you and your prayers in her behalf.  She has been blessed since her chemo on Monday so that her breathing has been better and she has not had to have her oxygen at all this week.  She says that it is hard to describe exactly how the treatment has made her feel - but she said she is getting a little stronger each day. 
Knowing Kim as we do - we know that it is a little strange for her not to have an appetite - but her sweet mother, Fern, keeps the small meals and snacks close by for frequent nourishment.  Kim did say - that in the middle of the night - she was craving an egg salad sandwich - so that was on the menu today for sure.
Kim was even planning a little outing today - just to get out of the house.  Maybe just a trip around the Valley. 
Thanks to each of you for your support, and your loving comments on the blog.  Kim finds comfort and strength from all of the thoughtful notes of encouragement.

Faith and Prayers

Kim called on her way home from her first treatment.  She said everything went well with the chemotherapy.  While there she was struggling with her breathing and so they sent her to the hospital to be checked out.  They decided to draw fluid out of the left side of her chest cavity.  They took out 1350 cc's of fluid.  Normally they do not draw fluid from both sides at the same time - because there is a chance that the lungs can collapse, but after getting the doctors opinion - they decided to draw fluid out of the other side where she had previously drained just last Friday night - and they took out another 1000 cc's from that side. 
The doctor said that it could take up to a couple of weeks for the chemo to begin to help decrease the fluids. 


So tonight there is something that Kim has requested that we can all help with - and that is to exercise our faith and specific prayers in her behalf to ask that her body will begin to respond quickly to the treatments and that these fluids will cease and she will be able to be strengthened and calmed through our united faith and prayers.