New chemo...again

Well, it's been an eventful couple of weeks.  Last Saturday, Kali got back from Mexico safely, & had a great trip serving with the AEM people.  The next day, Jarett spoke in our Sacrament meeting & we served dinner to about 100 people afterwards at our house--thank you everyone for coming, & especially for those who helped!  It was just a great day!  On Wednesday, we dropped him off at the MTC in Provo & things have been fairly quiet ever since.  The "drop-off" went much better than I expected--it might have been that I was just worn right out with my emotions from the previous week.  We took him to his favorite restaurant, J Dawg's, for one last hot dog before he left, & there were so many other missionaries with their families there that it was almost a party atmosphere.  Some people standing in line behind us were from San Bernardino, CA & told me great things about the places he'll be going & the people he'll be serving.  Then we pulled up to the curb at the MTC & the excitement & Spirit there are just palpable!  How could any parent not feel good about leaving their child in such a place?  I thought I would sob all the way to Salt Lake, but didn't even shed a tear after we left--it was then that I realized that the blessings of having a missionary had already begun!
On our way home, we stopped in Salt Lake for my chemo appointment...I figured if I was going to be sobbing, I might as well just go hog wild & have a chemo treatment to boot!  My CA-125 numbers have continued to climb the past couple of weeks, so there was no way of staying on the Doxil and hoping it would work.  I'm now doing a new drug...Topotecan (makes me think of Toucan Sam--Fruit Loops!).  It's not as easy to take as the Doxil, & I felt a little rough for a couple of days, but we'll do it.  I'm just hoping that it will work at killing the cancer cells & keeping those pesky CA-125 numbers down.  We're not sure what the schedule is going to be like with this drug.  Because I've been doing some type of chemo almost non-stop for the past 2 years, my bone marrow production is suppressed & that's going to make it a little bit more of a challenge with the schedule & dosing.  I'm taking this week off of chemo, heading to Vancouver, WA with the family to visit relatives for Thanksgiving, & then having another treatment on the 26th when I get back.
At this time of year, I am just so thankful to still be here with my family & friends, & hope that I will still be able to be an influence for good in their lives.  I am thankful for Vern & each of our darling kids.  Although I miss Jarett, I'm thankful that he is where he is, doing what I've always dreamed he would want to do.  I am thankful for dear parents, who in their 70's, continue to make great sacrifices for me & my siblings.  I am thankful for the love & support of my sister & brothers and their great families, and the wonderful family that I had the privilege of marrying into.  I am thankful for loyal friends, who continue to support me with their service and good examples.  I am especially thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ & am so thankful for His Atonement.  I am thankful that He, and my Father in Heaven, know & love me intimately, completely & perfectly...& that our lives have purpose & meaning.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Love always, Kim

Time is Speeding

Wow!  It has been almost 2 months since I last posted--sorry.  Life has just been speeding by so quickly with both good things & also some not quite as good.  I did another chemo treatment with the Doxil on October 8th--the day before my baby boy, Braedon, turned 12--yea!  The side effects haven't been too awful, as I was able to enjoy his celebration (which always seems to stretch into several days now--how come?)  He received the Aaronic Priesthood that following Sunday, & the whole ward is excited because now we have a total of 3 deacons--whoo hoo!  Then the next week, Mom took all of the Cloward girls on a trip to New York City for 4 fabulous days.  It was my first trip ever to that city, & we had a really great time.  I had never had much of a desire to see NYC, but I must say that I was duly impressed--it is an amazing place!  I didn't feel real great for most of the trip, but was able to do all the running around (& we did LOTS of that!) & really did enjoy myself.  I am so glad that we went when we did, instead of this past week with Hurricane Sandy--it was the trip of a lifetime--thanks so much for the wonderful memories, Mom!    
That same week, Vern took all the boys to San Francisco for the ADA meetings & met up with his brother-in-law & the boys' cousins from Virginia.  They also had a great time, & the best part about it all was that I was able to come home to a house that wasn't trashed--bonus!  Now that everyone is home, we are getting ready to see Kali off to Mexico for an 8-day humanitarian aid trip, & Jarett will be leaving for the MTC on November 14th.  We've been busy getting him ready to go, but I don't think it's really sunk in yet for me that I'll be saying goodbye to him for 2 years.  That's going to be a tough one.  I'm sure he'll be glad to leave me, though--it's rough being away from home on your own for a year & then coming back to find your mom reminding you to brush your teeth, make your bed, go to bed, etc.....  What will I do with all my time once he's gone again?
On the other side of things, the lump in my right chest reappeared about 7-8 weeks ago, & my CA-125 went up from 43 to 69 at my last test.  I had some more CT scans last week & everything appears just as it did on my last ones 6 months ago--so that's good news--at least I've been holding steady for the past 6 months!  We're a little unsure what to do at this point with this information.  I might go in after Jarett leaves, to have the lump removed & biopsied to see if they can get any more info on whether it's looking more like breast cancer or ovarian cancer.  We didn't remove it 6 months ago when it appreared, because it's not really going to change the outcome of everything, & will probably just grow back.  And then, after my first treatment of the Doxil it shrunk back down again.  Dr. Prystas would like to see if we can get a little more mileage out of the Doxil before we have to switch chemo treatments (again!), so we're going to try to do the blood tests next week & see if it will help if I have the Doxil more frequently than 5 weeks.  In the meantime, I am feeling pretty well--I just get really "pooped out" by the day's end & have a few burns on my feet & toes.
My second cousin, Nicole Rasmussen, was on Channel 2 News last night.  She is an amazing woman & is such an inspiration to me & so many others.  She has had health challenges since she was in her teens, & lost her eyesight shortly after she was married from a severe brain infection that nearly took her life.  She has gone on to have 3 children & is doing a "top-notch" job of raising them.  The story on the news last night focused on how she cooks fabulous & easy meals for her family, but also shared so much more on how she is overcoming her challenges.  I'm not sure I know how to create links on this blog, but you can go to http://blindmom.com/ to link up to her blog.  I love, love, love hearing & reading about others who are dealing with pretty big challenges in such a positive way.  There is so much to be grateful for in life, & so much to hope for because our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us!  Love always, Kim