A Trip to DC and a Hard Week

     While Vern & Kali were off to Peru doing dental work & exploring, I took the boys to Washington, DC with my mom & younger brother, Matt.  We had a great time visiting there, & I had lots of strength & energy.  I don't think there was anything that we left undone--which is amazing, considering that everyone else & their dog were there for Spring Break & the city was a bit crowded.  Matt & I even did some driving in the DC traffic!  We were met there by our Hatch cousins, who live in Virginia, & really enjoyed experiencing all the wonderful history of that area with them.  We just wish the trip could have lasted longer!
     The day after we returned, last Monday, I went in for my chemo treatment.  I seemed to be doing well, & there weren't any changes with the physical exam, but the next day my CA-125 #'s came back, & they've gone from 58 up to 71.  It's not a lot, but enough that we need to make changes (again).  Dr. Prystas is recommending that we keep doing this treatment, but do it 2 weeks in a row, with 1 week off.  Hopefully, this will be keeping enough of the drugs in my system to keep the cancer at bay.  That same day, we received the news that my cousin, Eric, & his family had lost their 17-year old son to an unexpected death.  My heart has ached for them, & my spirits have been pretty low all week.  What a blessing it has been to watch & listen to General Conference!  It truly is a healing balm to the soul.  It is spiritual nourishment to my heart to be able to feast upon the words of Christ & His gospel at this time.  President Uchtdorf's message this morning has seemed especially relevant to life's circumstances.  How thankful I am for the "light" of the Savior, & the sure knowledge I have that we need not live in darkness, doubt & fear...for He has overcome the world & we can put our trust in Him.  I am continually thankful for your faith & prayers on my behalf.  Hopefully, there will be better news to share in the future.  Love always, Kim

     It's Monday & I'm sitting here waiting to get an email from my favorite missionary, so I thought I'd write a quick update on life & the new chemo.  After receiving 4 treatments in a row, & receiving the word that it was working well, Dr. Prystas decided to back off a little bit & let me do it every other week.  I saw her last week for my check-up & chemo, & told her that the 5 days previous to that was the best I'd felt since November.  When they called me the next day to give me my CA-125 update, Jeri said it was not wonder I felt so good--my numbers had gone from 160 down to 58 with only 2 treatments!  The week I get chemo I feel so crummy, but I feel so great the week I have off!  My kidneys & other organs seem to be tolerating the medications well so far.  The only problem is my white blood counts haven't been as high as they'd like, so Dr. Prystas had to adjust the dosage down a little bit last week.  Apparently, my bone marrow has been suppressed a bit with all the chemo I've done over the past 2 1/2 years, so this is my "new normal".
     On the Mondays I'm not doing chemo, I try to stay home to chat with Jarett in CA.  Today, while I was waiting, I deep cleaned my bathroom--whoohoo!  When I was deep cleaning a couple of weeks ago, Heidi told me I should be having Stella (my fabulous housecleaning friend) do that for me when she comes every other week.  I said "no way"--cleaning out drawers & cabinets is a job you can only do yourself.  Can I just say that I loooove cleaning?  I know--I'm weird.  I've decided that I got that gene from my Mama Enid.  I think she was in her 80's on a ladder cleaning out her rain gutters.  Anyway, I just loved cleaning my bathroom today & it looks fabulous.  Anyone could come & have dinner tonight in my master bath--it is that clean.  I did alot of thinking while I was working, & I thought how much I just love the springtime & deep cleaning!  As much as I love my fresh bathroom, I love that we will soon be getting a fresh start outside, too.  Pretty soon all that dirty snow will be gone, & green grass & my tulips & daffodils will start to bloom.  I love that it'll soon be Easter.  As I worked, I thought about the Savior & how He has made it possible for all of us to get "fresh starts" in our lives.  I wish that I could get rid of my bad habits & favorite sins as easily as I could get rid of the old make-up & lotions in my drawers.  Sometimes I feel as if I'm a completely different person 2 1/2 years later, & at other times I feel as if I'm never going to overcome my weaknesses & sins.  I am grateful that the Savior is patient with me, as I continue to learn & grow towards becoming what He knows I can be.  I am continually thankful for the faith & prayers on my behalf, & the dear friends & family who are always supportive.  This month will mark 30 months since my diagnosis--I could never imagine that I would be blessed to still be here.  All my love, Kim

New Chemo is Working

I know it's been awhile since I've written--it's been kind of a tough few weeks.  I began the new chemo, Cisplatin, on the 14th of January, & have had a treatment each week for the past 4 weeks.  The side effects the first week were awful--migraines and severe nausea--so they've given me a little something extra called "Emend" that has helped considerably these past few times.  I've never had to do chemo every week before this time, so it's been a bit of a challenge mentally & physically.  Yesterday, Kathy called with the good news that my CA-125, which had been up to 346, had gone down to 160--super yipee-yi-ay!  They're also going to let me have next week off, which is a HUGE relief for me.  It's been kind of tough to only have 1 or 2 days where I've felt okay, & then have to gear myself up to go do it again.  By last Saturday, I would start feeling sick to my stomach at the mere thought of going in for chemo...I know it's all in my head, but feels very real.  I'm not losing weight with the nausea..just the opposite.  I lay around constantly snacking, trying to keep it at bay.
One of the highlights to this last month has been Mom getting an iPad.  I have to say it's been wonderful because Jarett's p-day is on Mondays, & that's when I've been doing my chemo treatments so I can be feeling better by the weekend when the boys are off school.  I was kind of bummed to think that I would be missing his emails while I was hooked up to the IV, but Mom just brings her iPad to the appointments, & while the infusion is going on, I can get Jarett's emails & do a little back & forth emailing during the half hour he gets on the computer at the public library in Fontana, CA.  Ah...the blessings of modern technology!  What a great world it is we live in!
I'd been dreading going in again for the chemo this week, when I reminded myself that the chemo is my friend...it is how Heavenly Father is working His miracles in my life & I need to have a feeling of gratitude for it, instead of being such a whiner.  Having that attitude throughout the past couple of days has certainly helped me...I don't feel like it's been quite as bad this week.  It just goes back to what I'm always harping on my kids about--having an attitude of gratitude makes a difference in everything.  Love always,  Kim

Happy New Year 2013

     This will be a short update...I had a chemo treatment just 3 days ago, & am still feeling the effects, although I AM out of my pajamas as I write this--that's always a good thing!  I got to have a little extra time between treatments due to the holidays, & it was wonderful!  Our Christmas was quiet without Jarett, but very good.  I wish I could say the same about his.  We are waiting for the mail to arrive today, & hopefully there will be a letter from him.  We didn't get one after Christmas, as we expected, & just learned this week that he had the stomach "flu" that was going around the MTC & made at least 250 missionaries sick over the holidays.  As I have felt sick the last couple of days from my chemo, I've just thought how grateful I was to not have to share a bathroom with a whole bunch of other people who weren't feeling well--that is certainly a blessing for me!
     I did get word on Thursday from Dr. Prystas that the Topotecan hasn't been working.  My CA-125 #'s have gone back up--to 294.  So, once again, we'll be trying something else.  I've been through several drugs already, & there are only so many that work on ovarian/breast cancer, so this is a big disappointment.  I've been able to get about 6 months out of each drug I've received, & I was hoping to get at least the same out of this.  I've already thrown myself a "pity party" the past 2 days as I've been down, but woke up feeling better today.  We had our FHE last Monday, & set goals for this month on developing charity that included "suffering long" from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  I was thinking more in terms of my being more patient with Vern & the boys, but apparently I'm also going to be learning to "wait patiently on the Lord."
    On the bright side of things....my parents & I went to the Donny & Marie Christmas concert at Abravanel Hall after Christmas.  It was a great concert, & at the end of it I was surprised to get to go backstage & meet Donny after the show.  My sister, Julie, & my aunt, Phyllis, arranged it all.  What a special treat!  I only got to visit with him for a couple of minutes, as he was pretty tired & had been ill beforehand, but he was so gracious & kind.  Here's the only picture I got of the two of us--you'll notice that I look old enough to be his mother!

Christmas Tidings

     Once again, I am behind the ball in keeping this updated!  I imagine that everyone is so busy at this time of year, that my writing probably has not been missed.  I have had 4 treatments now with the Topotecan & am doing okay with it.  The schedule so far is to have it 2 weeks in a row, & then take a week off.  I've had a treatment that past two Mondays, so I get to have the week of Christmas off--yea!  They all said I would most likely lose my hair, but it's still hanging in there so far. After the first two treatments, they checked my CA-125 levels & they had only dropped from 226 to 214--not a big difference considering how much sicker this one made me feel.  It was a bit disappointing, as each time I've tried a new drug it seems to have dropped fairly significantly after the first few treatments.  Hopefully, this was just a fluke--but at least it DID drop--that was good news!
     Jarett is doing well in the MTC--in fact, he has been thriving there.  His Spanish is coming well, & his letters have been so positive & full of the spirit of the gospel.  It has been exciting to sense the change that has already occurred with him.  Of course, he hasn't lost his fun sense of humor.  In a letter to Hunter, he wrote about how good he's eating, & the workouts he'd been doing to try & stay healthy.  He said, "When I get off my mission, I'm gonna make a video called Elder Iverson's 9-week Guide to Getting Abs in the MTC".  Oooh--I can hardly wait!
     This Christmas season has been full of wonderful activities--our Dental Staff, Ward & Neighborhood parties, caroling with the family to our Home & Visiting Teaching families, going to see "Savior of the World" & the lights on Temple Square, watching Braedon sing with his Valley Choir, seeing my nieces dance in the "Nutcracker" ballet, reading inspirational Christmas stories each night before bed, seeing a special screening of "Les Mis", shopping & lunch with Sue...so many wonderful things that I am thankful to be here for, & feel well enough to participate in.  As I was re-reading this last paragraph, I was struck by the fact that every one of these activities were done with so many of the people I love.  I am continuing to be served by my family, friends & Relief Society sisters--life is soooo good.
     Today, Elder Marlin Jensen gave a special lesson in church that just went straight to my heart--I know it was meant specifically for me.  He taught of charity--the pure love of Christ--& as a class we read through 1 Corinthians 13 & discussed each & every attribute of charity as given by the Apostle Paul.  It was a beautiful discussion, & the Spirit was strongly felt.  I realized that I still have so much work to do--especially with my family--to become a truly Christlike person.  As I thought through some of my dealings with others these past few days, I felt ashamed at my lack of charity.  But, then my heart was just filled with gratitude for the opportunity my Heavenly Father & Savior have given me to continue to be here on this earth & continue to learn to be charitable.  My shame turned to hope as I realized, once again, what a blessing the Atonement of the Savior is for me.  How thankful I am that I can repent, that my heart can be changed, that I can be forgiven for my selfishness & come unto Him & be healed of ALL my weaknesses--not just cancer.  This is a beautiful time of year, & I hope that I can be worthy to receive the gift of charity in my heart each day, & carry the Spirit of "Christ"mas through the year.  My love to you all!--Kim

New chemo...again

Well, it's been an eventful couple of weeks.  Last Saturday, Kali got back from Mexico safely, & had a great trip serving with the AEM people.  The next day, Jarett spoke in our Sacrament meeting & we served dinner to about 100 people afterwards at our house--thank you everyone for coming, & especially for those who helped!  It was just a great day!  On Wednesday, we dropped him off at the MTC in Provo & things have been fairly quiet ever since.  The "drop-off" went much better than I expected--it might have been that I was just worn right out with my emotions from the previous week.  We took him to his favorite restaurant, J Dawg's, for one last hot dog before he left, & there were so many other missionaries with their families there that it was almost a party atmosphere.  Some people standing in line behind us were from San Bernardino, CA & told me great things about the places he'll be going & the people he'll be serving.  Then we pulled up to the curb at the MTC & the excitement & Spirit there are just palpable!  How could any parent not feel good about leaving their child in such a place?  I thought I would sob all the way to Salt Lake, but didn't even shed a tear after we left--it was then that I realized that the blessings of having a missionary had already begun!
On our way home, we stopped in Salt Lake for my chemo appointment...I figured if I was going to be sobbing, I might as well just go hog wild & have a chemo treatment to boot!  My CA-125 numbers have continued to climb the past couple of weeks, so there was no way of staying on the Doxil and hoping it would work.  I'm now doing a new drug...Topotecan (makes me think of Toucan Sam--Fruit Loops!).  It's not as easy to take as the Doxil, & I felt a little rough for a couple of days, but we'll do it.  I'm just hoping that it will work at killing the cancer cells & keeping those pesky CA-125 numbers down.  We're not sure what the schedule is going to be like with this drug.  Because I've been doing some type of chemo almost non-stop for the past 2 years, my bone marrow production is suppressed & that's going to make it a little bit more of a challenge with the schedule & dosing.  I'm taking this week off of chemo, heading to Vancouver, WA with the family to visit relatives for Thanksgiving, & then having another treatment on the 26th when I get back.
At this time of year, I am just so thankful to still be here with my family & friends, & hope that I will still be able to be an influence for good in their lives.  I am thankful for Vern & each of our darling kids.  Although I miss Jarett, I'm thankful that he is where he is, doing what I've always dreamed he would want to do.  I am thankful for dear parents, who in their 70's, continue to make great sacrifices for me & my siblings.  I am thankful for the love & support of my sister & brothers and their great families, and the wonderful family that I had the privilege of marrying into.  I am thankful for loyal friends, who continue to support me with their service and good examples.  I am especially thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ & am so thankful for His Atonement.  I am thankful that He, and my Father in Heaven, know & love me intimately, completely & perfectly...& that our lives have purpose & meaning.  Happy Thanksgiving!  Love always, Kim

Time is Speeding

Wow!  It has been almost 2 months since I last posted--sorry.  Life has just been speeding by so quickly with both good things & also some not quite as good.  I did another chemo treatment with the Doxil on October 8th--the day before my baby boy, Braedon, turned 12--yea!  The side effects haven't been too awful, as I was able to enjoy his celebration (which always seems to stretch into several days now--how come?)  He received the Aaronic Priesthood that following Sunday, & the whole ward is excited because now we have a total of 3 deacons--whoo hoo!  Then the next week, Mom took all of the Cloward girls on a trip to New York City for 4 fabulous days.  It was my first trip ever to that city, & we had a really great time.  I had never had much of a desire to see NYC, but I must say that I was duly impressed--it is an amazing place!  I didn't feel real great for most of the trip, but was able to do all the running around (& we did LOTS of that!) & really did enjoy myself.  I am so glad that we went when we did, instead of this past week with Hurricane Sandy--it was the trip of a lifetime--thanks so much for the wonderful memories, Mom!    
That same week, Vern took all the boys to San Francisco for the ADA meetings & met up with his brother-in-law & the boys' cousins from Virginia.  They also had a great time, & the best part about it all was that I was able to come home to a house that wasn't trashed--bonus!  Now that everyone is home, we are getting ready to see Kali off to Mexico for an 8-day humanitarian aid trip, & Jarett will be leaving for the MTC on November 14th.  We've been busy getting him ready to go, but I don't think it's really sunk in yet for me that I'll be saying goodbye to him for 2 years.  That's going to be a tough one.  I'm sure he'll be glad to leave me, though--it's rough being away from home on your own for a year & then coming back to find your mom reminding you to brush your teeth, make your bed, go to bed, etc.....  What will I do with all my time once he's gone again?
On the other side of things, the lump in my right chest reappeared about 7-8 weeks ago, & my CA-125 went up from 43 to 69 at my last test.  I had some more CT scans last week & everything appears just as it did on my last ones 6 months ago--so that's good news--at least I've been holding steady for the past 6 months!  We're a little unsure what to do at this point with this information.  I might go in after Jarett leaves, to have the lump removed & biopsied to see if they can get any more info on whether it's looking more like breast cancer or ovarian cancer.  We didn't remove it 6 months ago when it appreared, because it's not really going to change the outcome of everything, & will probably just grow back.  And then, after my first treatment of the Doxil it shrunk back down again.  Dr. Prystas would like to see if we can get a little more mileage out of the Doxil before we have to switch chemo treatments (again!), so we're going to try to do the blood tests next week & see if it will help if I have the Doxil more frequently than 5 weeks.  In the meantime, I am feeling pretty well--I just get really "pooped out" by the day's end & have a few burns on my feet & toes.
My second cousin, Nicole Rasmussen, was on Channel 2 News last night.  She is an amazing woman & is such an inspiration to me & so many others.  She has had health challenges since she was in her teens, & lost her eyesight shortly after she was married from a severe brain infection that nearly took her life.  She has gone on to have 3 children & is doing a "top-notch" job of raising them.  The story on the news last night focused on how she cooks fabulous & easy meals for her family, but also shared so much more on how she is overcoming her challenges.  I'm not sure I know how to create links on this blog, but you can go to http://blindmom.com/ to link up to her blog.  I love, love, love hearing & reading about others who are dealing with pretty big challenges in such a positive way.  There is so much to be grateful for in life, & so much to hope for because our Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us!  Love always, Kim