Running As Fast As I Can

     It has been a busy, busy past couple of weeks--I feel as if I've been running as fast as I can--both literally & figuratively.  Vern and Kali have been gone to Guatemala the past 10 days doing some sightseeing & some service dental work in a clinic down there.  They arrive home tomorrow & I can hardly wait to see them & hear all about their trip.  I'm so glad that things went well with my health before & during their trip, so that they could have this opportunity.  I'm grateful that they could serve in this way, as so much service has been given to us.  I've been busy shuttling the little boys back & forth between various sports & activities, & it's been good that Jarett's been home to do all my hard spring yard work the past 10 days.  It's been good to have him home--I always feel safer when he's here.  Today I walked/ran the last 9 miles of the Ogden Marathon with my friend, Heidi.  What a beautiful day & what a marvelous experience to be able to run the gorgeous canyon again!  By the time we finished, I felt like I was walking on "bloody stumps", but the emotional lift I received from doing it far outweighs the aches & pains I'm feeling tonight.  It was great to see old running friends while I was doing it, & so wonderful to be doing this with Heidi--we've had our ups & downs running this race over the past few years & this was definitely an "up" year for me.
     Today was a much needed boost for me after the beginning of my week.  I met with my surgeon, Dr. Reading, on Monday & learned that the lump in my breast is most likely another tumor.  She said that she can remove it if I want, but that she knows she wouldn't be able to get clean margins because it's in the chest muscle, & it will just likely reoccur in that area.  Since they know I still have cancer cells floating around in my abdomen, this new tumor doesn't really change anything as far as my treatment & the eventual outcome of this journey goes.  Since I've received the chemo, I've noticed that the lump is much less noticeable--it isn't tender like it was initially, & it's not as well defined.  Sooo...it appears that the new chemo drug is working on it.  It was kind of hard to hear the news--not that it was anything new--I knew I still had the darned cancer in me!  It just seems as if I will most likely be doing chemo until I can't do it anymore.  Sometimes I try to go through my days pretending that I don't have cancer, & this new lump just made it all the more visible physically for me.  But, as with each new twist & turn on this journey, I needed a few days to just process everything emotionally & cry.  I do cry once in awhile still, but I always feel better when I can focus on what I DO have, rather than on what I might not have.  I can't say thank you enough for the kind thoughts, words & prayers--I still feel protected by this big "bubble of love".  Love always, Kim

New Chemo

This is going to be a short one--it's Sunday night and I'm tired. It's been a good day--one of those days at church where you feel as if every lesson, talk and/or testimony is meant directly for you.  I've been weeping on and off throughout the day--not out of sadness--mostly out of gratitude for knowing that my needs are known and I'm being taken care of.  My numbers did go up again after my last chemo--darn!--so I had a CT scan last Monday, and then my chemo treatment with a new drug--Doxil.  Things went pretty well for both.  Not much shows up on the scan except for a soft tissue nodule in my chest, very close to where the tumor in my breast was initially.  Dr. Prystas isn't sure exactly what it is, or how it's related to my cancer.  She doesn't think that even if it is a new tumor, that it's responsible for my CA-125 numbers going up as much as they have--the cancer is obviously still at work in my body on the cellular level.  I'm working on getting an appointment with my surgeon to figure out what to do with the nodule.  It appears to be just between the skin and my rib cage, so hopefully it will be easy to remove if that's what we decide to do.  The chemo doesn't seem to be as bad as what I've done in the past.  I actually felt pretty well Monday through Wednesday.  I went to bed Wednesday night starting to worry that because I wasn't feeling terrible, the chemo must not be working.  What a blessing to wake up Thursday morning feeling achy & tired! I've had moments where the worry, fear and discouragement start to set in, but for the most part I'm feeling at peace with everything.  I have to keep looking at the "big picture" and remember how thankful I am to still be here and participating in my family's life.  Kali graduated from USU yesterday--YEA!--and it was a marvelous blessing to be able to see her walk across that stage.  I am incredibly proud of her and the young woman she has become.  A year ago, I couldn't even imagine being able to have the experience I had yesterday--every day is a bonus and a blessing.  Thank you again for the prayers--I feel as if I've been wrapped up in a big "bubble" these past couple of weeks.  This "bubble" has protected me from the discouragement that could so easily beset me at this time.  The prayers are doing so much to strengthen and bless me--thank you again.  Love always, Kim