I'm not sure if anyone is even reading this anymore--I'm terrible about writing on a regular basis. I was trying to write a few days after each chemo treatment, but really slacked off this last time. I actually had a treatment of Doxil on September 7th, but just haven't felt very well & couldn't motivate myself to sit down & write. Today is the two-year anniversary of the day I was originally diagnosed with cancer. I know things were "cooking" in there much longer than that, but things became "official" two years ago. This past week, I've really been contemplating the fact that I'm still here & thinking about all the changes that have occurred during this time. The other day I was reading some stories of cancer survivors---I don't know if you can call me a survivor since I'm still battling the darn thing, but, in some ways I feel as if I'm not only "surviving", but might actually be "thriving". Don't get me wrong--if I were given the choice, this is absolutely not what I would choose in my life, but two year's perspective has helped me to see that this experience has been vital to my spiritual & emotional growth. And then, when I have those days where I feel tired, achy, cranky, miserable & downright scared about where things are headed, I realize how much more I need to grow!
Today we had a wonderful lesson & discussion in Relief Society on faith, & one of the "take away" lessons for me was to "give the Lord a chance" in our lives. We are His children & can only begin to understand how much He loves us individually--each & every one of us. He is just waiting to bless & help us with all that is going on in our lives--our small every day events are just as important to Him as the huge challenges we face. Two years ago, my life circumstances made me humble myself & give Him a chance to work His miracles in my life. Each time I have truly exercised my faith in my Savior, He has blessed me in ways that are unmistakable! I have felt His love & He has helped me to have peace & hope in His plan for me. Sometimes the adversary is so strong with the doubts, worry & fear that he plants into my mind & heart, and I need to continually turn to the Savior for healing. Some days I do better at this than other days. How I wish that I were perfectly faithful & always turned to Him for guidance & help! How much more joy, happiness & peace could I have, & could I bring to my family if I could do so? But, the Savior is always faithful to me, granting me that portion of His spirit that I need most at that time, when I sincerely humble myself & pray to Him for help. There is so much more in my heart that I wish I could articulate at this time. I pray that some day I will be blessed to speak as the angels do & praise my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have a testimony that He lives! He is our Redeemer & His Atonement is real. Love, Kim
