Heidi has told me that sometimes people have asked her if I'm really doing as well as I seem to be--they've wondered if I'm perhaps "whitewashing" my experiences for this blog. I don't think I've done that. I've tried to be as honest as I can about what I'm going through--it's hard for me to write this knowing that so many others may be reading it. I just try to think of it as a way for me to journal my experience for myself and my children, and I am choosing to focus on the positive aspects of it as much as I can. Believe me, though, there are some difficult days and yesterday was one of them. I had my chemo tx on Wednesday, and as of yesterday & today, am feeling the worst part of the side effects. I called Dr. Prystas' office yesterday to find out what my CA-125 numbers had gone to, and they had only dropped from 107 to 100. This was a huge disappointment, and I threw myself a "pity party" for alot of the day. I called back to the office to talk to Kathy, Dr. Prystas' nurse, and she helped me put things into perspective a bit. She's more than a nurse--she has to be part therapist also. It's hard thinking of how awful the last chemo tx was, and then to know that despite all that, my counts only went down 7 points. It makes it tougher going through this treatment. I had a bad allergic reaction to one of the chemo meds during my transfusion Wednesday, so they won't be able to use that drug anymore. It sounds like I will maybe only have one or two more chemo treatments left to do--I'm kind of getting to the limit of what they'll do with this regimen & they are scheduling me for a CT scan of the breast to see if surgery is an option at this point. I am still hoping & praying to be completely cured, but realize that I had alot of disease--tumors in two places of my body--and that this may be more of a chronic condition that I will need to deal with long-term. Kathy says that sometimes patients numbers go up during chemo tx, and then may drop again significantly--everybody is different and they just can't predict it. But I may also have to accept the possibility that my numbers may never go under 35, & it may just be that I'll have to deal with having maintenance chemotherapy and/or surgeries every so often & make the best of all the times in between that I feel good.
There is so much that I don't know about all that's going on, and where things are headed in my life. I've spent most of my life deluding myself that I'm in complete control--I've always had structure & a plan! Realizing that I don't have control over everything is a huge challenge for me. But, one thing I do know for sure is that I have a Father in Heaven and a Savior who love me. Because They can see with an eternal perspective--past, present, future--I always have Their attention. They know what I'm going through; what I am, and am not capable of, and what is best for me and my family--in this life and for eternity. I know that in the Garden of Gesthemane and on the cross, my Savior has already suffered all that I am going through, and because of this, He is the one person I turn to for strength & comfort. I know also that He daily inspires all the good people in my life. Every day I am loved and receive Christ-like service. Every day there are tender mercies to get me through the day, and yesterday was no exception. I love you all. I am grateful for your faith & prayers. Love always, Kim
Kim was diagnosed last Thursday, September 16, 2010 with ovarian cancer. As Kim's Family, Friends, Neighbors and Fans - we have started this blog to help share information, updates, support, and love with each other during her next few months of surgery, treatment and healing. We will try to update it whenever we receive information. Please feel free to leave a comment expressing your support, love, and encouragement anytime - as that is how we will all grow and strengthen each other - especially Kim and her family. We love you Kim, and our faith, prayers, and total support and dedication are with you as you embark on this "Journey"!